iloveyou2014's Blog

Omg i ate fpirth of a oiece of chicken ...and beans and my stomch hurts so bad from it!! Food is bad!

Nothing at all today:) i am strong
I will be beautiful
I will be accepted
I will be loved
I will be wanted and desired
I will be perfecr

Well i had tk.eat a sandwhich at youth groupppp but tht was all today tht was like a 330 clarious sanfwhich jeez so kuch!! Omgosh y cant i stop

Wow sorry for the delay who ever reads this prolly no ine right? Well anyway i totaly binge ate:/ ufhh!!!!!
But i only had 140 calrious today which i worked off:) so yay!!!

Had to.eat today
Breakfeast-a biscit
Lunch-nothing
Dinner - went to.gerogious had a sub ugh
My stomch hruts so bad frok all the food i ate:/
Im.so.tierd now
Was asked out...i said no.:for a few resons.....now he wont answwer me...im scared
God im so tierd
Least imma wake suoer early so no breakfeast or lunch

so imma make this my ana diary bc i cant make one outta paper my mom will find it but no one knows anything about this cept u know yall on here
this is where i willl put hwo many calories i ate today(truthful) and how much i lost from excise(i cant get a scale mom would notice) u see my entire family is fat cept for my little sister(underweight from her high metabolism) 
being thin means i will be perfect
idk how long its been since i started but i know ive lost something i can feel my cloths getting small i am so fat
my stomch is huge! and my tighs and god my arms look like cookie dough*shudders* i cant believe my friends and family hve been lieing to me so long saying i wasnt fat
todays meal
breakfeat-nothing
lunch-90 carloires of raisins and water(water cant make me fatter right i ddint see any calories on the back)
...my sister made me eat a chicken strip and a piece of honey bread...i thought id die...thta likes 750 calrious right?
dinner-going to youth group dinner breakffeast for dinner imma say i hve a stomch ace so all ill hve to do is drink water maybea  piece of fruit? skip the fruit ill be thinner faster if i skip it
my treadmill told me i worked off like 600 calorious(so sore)
ill do more crunchs and moutin climbers when i get home tonight and when i wake up and anytime between
so todays thinsperation

If you aren’t thin, you’re ugly. Being thin is way more important than being healthy. You must do anything to make yourself look thinner. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty. Thou shall not eat fattening foods without punishing yourself accordingly. Thou shall always count calories. The scale is everything. Losing=Life, Gaining=Death You must become thin. Being thin and perfect are signs of true determination.

If you aren’t thin, you’re ugly. Being thin is way more important than being healthy. You must do anything to make yourself look thinner. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty. Thou shall not eat fattening foods without punishing yourself accordingly. Thou shall always count calories. The scale is everything. Losing=Life, Gaining=Death You must become thin. Being thin and perfect are signs of true determination.

So many of yall dont know me and many of yall wont bother to read this fine with me i just wanna say it anyway hope thts fine wwith y'all
So im trying to become anarexic i wanna be so bad....u hve no idea....
So
Day 1 the total.calorious i ate was 752 normal is 1000 least what ive been told.
Today i hve eatting 669 i dont know how much i weigh but i can tell u my goal first goal
110
Second100
Thrid95
Final90
When i hit 90 pounds....i will be tht strong perfect girl whos beautiful
I just need soemone to help me stay on track and not eat
So if anyone can help message me plz?
Thanks

Im so dead inside i oded i dont care anympre abput anyone i wont gp.thprough this again i wont open my heart to someone care abput them and the moment i screw up and i just lose my mind this happrns and ...i wont ....thinj about him or anyone or anything
Ive gone from happy laura to numb dead laura.... My entire world.....just died....my world...left....

oh my god i hate my family sometimes! im always blamned even if immmm the one freaking bleeding with scartchs on me. so im not the freaking perfect child or the most. ordinated doe dthis make me lesser than my owm freaking younger sister?! im not beautiful or skinny but i tryyyy to be do any of yall relize ttht im hardly eating!?!?! Tht im excising everydayyy more than an hour and 30 mins and its making me dizzy???? Do yall even freaking care!??!?! Does me ....not being perfect make me so unlovable toeveryone and everything tht yall ...just...reject me....tell.me how alwful i am ajd than tell me im a whimp yall dont even know im datinggg a guy tht im so.in lovee with but he lives half way across the world! Yall dont even knoowww tht ive tried to cut mysekf! Tht ive made myself puke tht i stoped beliving in god bc he gave up on me! Just like yall did!!! Ive given u every sign every chance to do soemthinnggg anythinnggg but u still break me down...yall....ethir dont know...or care....tht ive trieddd to kill myself... Multipule times..... I try tobfind love in every person i ever talk to..but theres on maybe 1 or 2 tht ... Actully ever stayed there for me....and there both...half way across the world and they r the only ppl o hve left those 2 guys every one else has hurt me pushed me like yall did... Or left .... I fall so fast.... I just watcged myself bleed.... Bc i got hit.... And u dont care.... U just worry about my sister the perfect one....
Im not perfect...
But im trying ti be....

Ok so im in a class full of senors its my life of christ class and im getting alot out of it tht i didnt know before its about my relgion ibdont belive in it anymore but i do belive there is a god and i pray just i dont belive in the relgion so when i was lut in this class i thought id be bored as hell i was wrong and i wrote down todays questions and i didnt hve the nerve to answer in the class but i wanna answer themhere
1 is it easy or diffuclt to belive a guy u didnt know died for u?
I find this very hard to belive bc i dont ubderstand y he wpuld die for a loser like me a no body
2 what keeps us form seeking him?
The people around me at skool ...
3 will we ever be perfect? I know no one is perfect but i strive for perfection any way bc i feel than i may be accepted....and liked....and not be hurt anymore...
4 if someone was goin to kill u unless u rejected god what wpuld u do? Would u reject god?
I can honestly say...i dont know wat i wpuld do....
Are you q christan?
Idk who i am anymore....
What is most frustrationg about ur boyfriend or girlfriend?
Not seeing each otber
John 20:30-31
And
John 1:1
Thank u for reaidng this please leave a commint.... And those r the verus from class today